Bridging the Distance

By Dean Collins

We have all experienced times when there is distance in a relationship. Sometimes that distance is inevitable. Work schedules, military deployments, the launching of children as they leave for college, and many other necessary moments or events in life can bring physical distance to a relationship. In recent years, we have had the wonder of technology to ease those separations. We can communicate easily and with little expense. But a FaceTime call just isn’t the same as being in a room with the other person.

Sometimes we experience distance—both physical and emotional—because of conflict. Whether intentional or unintentional, our words or lack of words can cause emotional pain that results in separation. This happens in marriages, friendships, and families every day. No matter how hard we try not to hurt someone with our words or actions, it still happens. And once separation occurs, it can take time to heal.

Sometimes our sin nature gets the best of us, and we deliberately do or say things that inflict pain. Sometimes we do this because we are striking back at the pain we have felt from the words or actions of another. And often, when we have caused pain or felt the sting of someone else’s actions, we find ourselves creating distance from that person so we don’t have to feel the hurt.

In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus said that our righteousness should exceed that of the scribes and Pharisees, who prided themselves on their meticulous rule-keeping. For example, Jesus quoted the Old Testament, telling His listeners that they should not murder. A good Pharisee—or a good Christian—might think, “Well, that is an easy rule to keep. I have never and will never murder anyone!”

But Jesus continued: “But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire.”

Is there anyone who can honestly plead not guilty when it comes to getting angry with a friend or family member? What about insulting someone you love? Or refusing to call them? Or deciding that the other person is foolish and entirely at fault in an argument? I think we all know the answer.

So, if our righteousness depends on this higher standard, how can we possibly succeed?

The truth is, we can’t. Even as we grow in our faith and become more Christlike, we will have moments of failure. So what do we do?

Jesus said, “So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.”

I think it is fair to say that Jesus meant that whenever we realize or remember the distance and pain of separation, we are to initiate contact with the other person so that reconciliation can happen.

Jesus didn’t say to go and tell them what they did wrong. He didn’t even say to go and tell the other person what you did wrong. Sometimes that helps or works, and sometimes it doesn’t. What He did say was that when we remember, we are to initiate contact with the other person.

The more we pray, read Scripture, and listen to the Holy Spirit, the more likely we are to recognize these moments when God is prompting us to act.

Recently, I had such a moment. I was working on a project when it became clear that I should call an old friend whom I hadn’t seen for several years. The last time we had seen each other, there was a distance between us. What caused the distance, or who caused it, was not important. What was important was that the separation had continued, and that separation had hurt each of us.

When I called, my friend was surprised and pleased that I had reached out. I confessed that I had allowed the separation to go on for too long and apologized. We didn’t rehash old wounds, but the Holy Spirit brought about a quick reconciliation.

The things Jesus asks of us are usually very basic. Go. Speak. Give a cup of water. Offer encouragement. Serve. Forgive. Be present. These are all simple acts of love that we can offer. They require no money, yet they have the power to heal and transform both the giver and the recipient.

And when we do these things, we discover what it means for our righteousness to exceed that of the most careful rule-keepers.

Father, forgive us for the many times we have ignored Your prompting to stop what we are doing and go and be reconciled with another person. We surrender to Your correction and ask that You show us where and with whom we are to serve today. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Your Time with God’s Word
Matthew 5: 21-24 ESV

Photo by Pexels
To receive daily posts delivered directly to your inbox, complete the form at the bottom of our home page.