Happiness is not the best goal. For believers there’s something better
By Mark A. Taylor
“Are you happy?”
In essence, that’s the question United Nations researchers have asked at least 1,000 people in each of about 150 countries every year since 2012. Specifically, as The Atlantic reported last month, the survey asks this: “If you imagine a ladder whose rungs are numbered zero to 10, and zero represents your worst possible life and 10 represents your best, which rung would you be on?”
It might make a good ice-breaker question for your next small group meeting (or therapy session!).
Doing something different?
Every year, the United States ranks well below those in the Top 10 list in this report of the world’s happiest countries, and analysts have spent a lot of energy trying to decide why. Americans discovering the study often want to find some simple changes in routine or behavior that will suddenly up their happiness quotient. As the article puts it, do-it-yourself fixes such as “taking a cold shower in the morning or baking cinnamon buns” won’t cut it, even if people in happier countries enjoy such activities.
A special kind of grief
The article grabbed my attention because it appeared just a day or two after I had enjoyed a long talk with a wise friend whose recent life could be called anything but happy. His wife has suffered for 15 years with a chronic, debilitating disease. It’s been a slow, steady decline that has robbed her of abilities and transformed him from companion to caregiver.
We discussed this special kind of grief, one that confronts new losses week by week under the increasing weight from a growing list of surprising deficits.
No one would say such a journey is happy. Quite the opposite, it is tragic, painful. And yet my friend was not complaining or asking for sympathy. As I said, he’s wise, too wise for that. I’m guessing his trial has made him even wiser—along with the input and support from friends willing to share their wisdom, too.
Happiness vs. joy
One of those fellows, who has written a book about grief, gave my friend an important insight. “He told me that joy and pain are not opposites,” my friend remembers. “A person in pain can still have joy.”
That concept seems foreign because we often equate joy with happiness. But they are altogether different. In fact, it seems to me that happiness can be the enemy, not the partner, of joy.
Happiness can be the enemy, not the partner, of joy.
Are you happy? If not, the culture tells us, figure out what would make you happy, and go for it. Buy the car you want, eat the meal you love, see a sight on your bucket list, or move into the house of your dreams. There’s no denying the happiness that follows But achieving each of those goals is a self-centered pursuit. The happiness fades. And what we might have thought was joy goes with it.
By the power of the Holy Spirit
The Bible speaks of joy in a totally different context: “…the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit (Romans 14:17).
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope” (Romans 15:13).
“In your presence there is fullness of joy” (Psalm 16:11).
“Restore to me the joy of your salvation” (Psalm 51:12).
“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness” (James 1:2, 3).
It seems that joy, deep and characterized by peace and purpose, comes from focusing on God—not myself—and thinking about what he’s doing with me and around me for his purposes. Happiness has nothing to do with it.
We could hasten to remember that most of the Bible heroes were anything but happy. Not one would have put themself high on the United Nations ladder.
On the other hand, we should also add that happiness is not a sin. Go ahead and eat that steak you love, enjoy that movie you’ve been anticipating, laugh at your grandkids, and snuggle with someone special. Be happy! But realize that seeking happiness may certainly lead to sin. And grieving the loss of happiness will steal your joy.
But focusing on God and trusting him with all your unanswered questions about his will and his ways is something else. It’s the path to joy.
Photo by Esther Ann on Unsplash
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