The quality you may be missing in your upcoming family gatherings

By Dean Collins

When you gather with family this Christmas, there’s one thing you shouldn’t leave behind. I’m not talking about the mask you have handy and wear whenever you need to keep a loved one safe. And I’m not thinking of your special culinary treat. (But if you do have a prized recipe, I’d be pleased for you to share it!)

Instead, I’m thinking of a spiritual characteristic that I hope has been growing in your heart and mind.

Forgotten?

Paul advocates for this quality in Philippians 4, but I doubt you’ll remember it. If you’re familiar with this Bible book, the first word you might choose to summarize it would be joy or rejoice. Either fits our Christmas celebrations. “O come, all ye faithful, joyful and triumphant!”

Bringing a little joy to the family gathering will be good for your soul and will lift the spirits of others, too. But Paul uses another word in Philippians 4 that might help your family experience (as well as church gatherings, too).  It is a spiritual trait much needed at home, at church, at work, in friendships, and every other relationship, too. Paul said to let your reasonableness be known by everyone.

Bland?

Reasonableness seems like such a bland ingredient. I’ve never heard anyone say reasonableness was their life goal or New Year’s resolution. It’s seldom on the list of traits we want to develop in our children. Many talk of desiring wisdom. Some want wealth, influence, maybe power or position, but reasonableness? Who even thinks about that? But I’m guessing you can name someone who has demonstrated reasonableness in a discussion and especially when dealing with a difficult or tense moment. The person who demonstrates this quality may be the one who is a peacemaker.

Paul uses the word at at interesting point as he starts to finish his letter to the church. He included an update on how he was doing while in prison. He said thank-you for the gifts they had sent by way of Epaphroditus. As usual for Paul, he reminded the church of their foundational beliefs and encouraged them to live out their Kingdom life joyfully. But as he wraps up, he mentions two women, Euodia and Syntyche, who apparently had a known and visible disagreement. We don’t know how it started, but clearly it was now public, and Paul couldn’t finish his letter without addressing it. He didn’t offer a solution, but he pled with these women to settle the matter. And he encouraged the church to make it a part of their prayers and told the church family to help these two resolve their disagreements.

Small?

Even when a disagreement starts small, the enemy will always try to throw some fuel on the dispute, because he knows a good fight will always take energy and attention off of the mission. In the very next paragraph Paul moves on with what at first might simply be good and encouraging teaching. But I suspect he is also dropping truth on how to end the dispute. One important piece of this teaching is that reasonableness must guide and be evident in all behaviors and relationships.

In Greek the word rendered here as reasonableness is difficult to translate, and so translations use different English words trying to properly convey the meaning: gentleness, moderation, forbearance, gentle spirit, modesty, and several others. The ESV chose the word reasonableness, and it seems to me that it captures Paul’s intentions.

In chapter 2 Paul tells Christians that we are to do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit but rather we approach each other with humility, which is possible only if we make the mind of Christ central to our thinking. And here in chapter 4, after Paul encourages reasonableness, he adds a great poetic phrasing of what should dominate our thinking: that which is true, just, honorable, pure, lovely, and commendable. If you are in the middle of an argument or hunkered down in your “rightness ,“ these thoughts likely are not in the front of mind.

Visible!

It seems that lately that some Christians have chosen to be known for their “unreasonableness, “ making sure everyone knows their obvious displeasure with how things are going in the world. I think If Paul wrote a letter to some of our churches he might just call for us all to pray for each other and to grow up in a way that allows our reasonableness to be known and visible. As Christ’s representatives in the world today it will be our humility, love, and possibly reasonableness that he will use to advance his Kingdom. I’m pretty sure it won’t be our stubbornness or our disdain for people who hold different opinions on politics or a pandemic.

So this Christmas as we gather to celebrate the gift of a humble Savior who has come to save, redeem, and restore humanity and all creation, let’s celebrate certainly with joy. But let’s not forget our reasonableness as we gather with others, even those who don’t agree with us on issues where we have strong opinions.

Your time with God’s Word
‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:1-9‬; ‭‭Psalm‬ ‭145:18‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Photo by Joshua Ness on Unsplash