We must face and we can overcome today’s epidemic loneliness

By Sarah Huxford

A new series of occasional posts by one of Dean’s friends
telling us how they pursue the challenge of daily obedience to Jesus.

When Dr. Vivek Murthy, the United States Surgeon General, served his first term in that role under President Obama, he embarked on a listening tour around the country. He wanted to talk to patients about issues he thought were important—the opioid epidemic, for example.

But to his surprise, Murthy found that conversations kept circling back to another challenge: an epidemic of loneliness. Ultimately, he discovered that 20 percent of Americans say they have struggled with loneliness—and those are just the ones who admit it!

Murthy emphasizes the mental and physical health risks of chronic loneliness. In a 2019 interview with the author and professor Kate Bowler, Murthy said, “When we struggle with loneliness, then we build everything else on a shaky foundation.”

If we’re honest, most of us have felt lonely at some time, whether we felt isolated during the long months of quarantine in 2020 or have simply felt like we didn’t belong in a particular group.

Avoiding community

It seems clear that God intended us to live in community. We are to carry each other’s burdens (Galatians 6:2, Ecclesiastes 4:9-12), to love and encourage each other (Hebrews 10:24-25, Ephesians 4:2-4), to gather and worship together (Acts 2:44-47). Yet our American sense of individualism too often makes us insist on going it alone. We’re hesitant to ask for help or afraid to admit feeling lonely.

Since loneliness is so rampant in our culture, how can Christians begin to address this issue? Three thoughts come to mind.

Tackling loneliness

First, use technology to connect rather than isolate. Technology, especially social media, can be a wonderful tool for finding like-minded people, keeping up with loved ones, or reconnecting with old friends. But there’s an inherent risk of shallowness, too. We scroll through Instagram and see only the best and brightest moments of our connections’ lives. We make a mean comment on a Facebook post because we feel anonymous while we say it. We may rely on online connection to the exclusion of real-world interaction.

Photo by mikoto.raw at Pexels.com.

During the initial months of the pandemic, group chats with several sets of friends were a lifeline for me. As an unmarried adult with no children, I could easily have felt very isolated during that time, but instead, I felt connected. As we’ve been able to interact in person again, each group chat has all but faded away. Our real-life interaction is primary, but technology has helped sustain it over time.

Second, actively seek community. Despite its downfalls, we can use technology to find meaningful community. That might look like joining a Zoom book club with like-minded readers around the world, participating in a Facebook group on a topic we’re interested in, or using a meetup app to make friends locally.

Outside of technology, sometimes we must put ourselves in uncomfortable situations to find community. Maybe that means showing up to an in-person book club at your local library or joining a class at your gym. Or maybe it’s pushing through the awkwardness of not just visiting a new church, but also showing up for activities other than worship to get to know people—something I’ve been doing lately, myself! It might simply look like being honest with your friends and family about what you need.

In her interview with Murthy, Bowler said, “We can have a million people in our contacts list and no one to bring us a casserole when we actually need it. I’m starting to realize that I need to look more closely at the kinds of connections I am making: Do they bring life? Do they bring meaning? Do they bring casseroles?”

Seeking the kind of community that brings casseroles can be challenging, but it’s worth it.  

Third, invite others in. Maybe you’re among the lucky people who don’t often experience loneliness, but I’m betting there are plenty of people in your life who do. How can you invite them into your life?

Although I don’t have children, I have 15 “nieces and nephews,” my closest friends’ children. Their families send me their kids’ sports and dance schedules, invite me to join them on vacations, and include me in family dinner at a nearby restaurant on a Friday night. I’m grateful for the many ways I am invited in.

What about your own community? Are there new neighbors on your street or visitors to your church you could invite to join you for a meal? What about the newly-hired colleague who might like to join your lunch group? Who in your circles might find themselves alone on a holiday weekend? Often, those who are on the loneliness side of the equation feel vulnerable about reaching out. When we take the initiative, we might be surprised how quickly we build community.

Murthy says, “We can be the medicine that each other needs. We can be the solution other people crave. We are all doctors, and we are all healers. The question is, do we have the courage to speak up and stand up for others, to reach out to them when we feel they may be in need?”

Finding family

Many English translations of Psalm 68:6 use the phrase “He sets the lonely in families.” That doesn’t just mean legal or biological families! God uses all kinds of relationships to bring us together. Let’s ask God to show us how we can be part of that work in our own lives and communities.

Sarah Huxford is associate professor and senior director of communication at Point University, where she teaches undergraduates and oversees the university’s communication efforts. She also works as a graphic designer and communication consultant. She lives in the Atlanta area.

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