Why we should embrace our grief
“Life is hard, Taylor! It’s not supposed to be easy! It won’t be easy till we get to the other side.”
Time and again I’ve thought about that advice from my longtime boss, Gene Wigginton. It’s a bit ironic that it came from Gene, because he is one of the most irrepressibly positive men I know. (I’ve always said if he stepped in a pile of manure, he’d comment on what a beautiful shade of brown it was.)
But that was only the first half of his speech, and it’s the second half I thought about this week. “The only people who seem to have it easy have the most difficult lives of all,” he said. “You know, the Michael Jacksons of the world.”
To the list of those who have it all and it’s not enough, let me add the story of Jeremy Lin.
Whirlwind success
“Jeremy Lin’s career in the NBA was something of a whirlwind,” Timothy Rapp reminds us, posting at Bleacher Report October 4. “He went from being a little-known, undrafted free agent in 2010 to a phenomenon during the 2011-12 season with the New York Knicks after a streak of high-scoring games was dubbed ‘Linsanity.’”
Lin himself says, at age 24, he was “literally the most popular person on the planet.” In an interview posted not long ago by the South China Morning Post, he said, “I had everything going for me.”
So what comes next, after such a rise to the top? In Lin’s case, as has been sadly true with too many young celebrities, the pinnacle was not permanent. Although he followed that phenomenal first year with an admirable seven seasons with the NBA, his performance never again equaled the “magic” of that first season. After awhile, Lin began to struggle within himself. As success diminished and popularity decreased, he says he battled feelings of failure and shame. “I didn’t even want to leave my house,” he said. “Everything I worked so hard to achieve I started to lose.”
But he didn’t stop working. After bouncing between several teams and finally joining the Beijing Shougang Ducks, he told Channel News Asia he’s going to try again to play for the NBA. Time will tell whether his future performance will be enough to make him feel better about himself. But anyone who has sought self-worth in personal accomplishment will testify that this always becomes a losing battle. Failure is unavoidable. Loss comes to everyone. Life is hard. Jeremy Lin needs something more than himself to deal with life.
Particular losses
After reading Dean’s posts this week and last and then coming across the item about Lin, I thought of 2020’s particular losses. For some they’ve been severe: lost income, lost opportunity, lost health, lost lives. But even for those not facing such drastic losses, disappointments cause grief.
All the self-help posts tell us how to make the most of our isolation, but if loneliness doesn’t overtake us, boredom is difficult to keep at bay. In ways that my former boss could never have imagined years ago, life today is difficult for almost everyone. And for those experiencing everyday difficulties unrelated to the pandemic—relationship challenges, job stress, financial shortfalls, health worries, school problems—the pandemic has added frightening pressure.
Daily possibility
The fact is that grief has always been a daily possibility, and not only in the face of death. According to A Grief Recovery Blog, “Grief is the normal and natural emotional reaction to loss or change of any kind.”
So, considering all the changes forced on us by the pandemic, grief is natural. We shouldn’t be surprised by grief, and we should not deny it or repress it with sentimental happy talk. A healthier choice is to admit your grief. Talk with a friend. Cry out to God.
Putting your grief on the table is the only way to handle it. It’s the first step toward coping with loss.
As Gene Wigginton reminded me, life is hard for everyone, so you shouldn’t expect to be immune.
As Dean wrote this week, “Remember we are God’s treasured possession. God will provide a way forward.”
As the psalmist proclaimed, “I call to God, and the Lord will save me. Evening and morning and at noon I utter my complaint and moan, and he hears my voice. He redeems my soul in safety from the battle that I wage” (Psalm 55:16-18).
God will walk with you through your battle. The first step is to acknowledge the fight.
Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash