How to know when you really should try for the ‘aloof’ award
By Dean Collins
It’s been a long time since I looked at my high school yearbook. About the only time many of us see our high school yearbooks after graduation is when cleaning the attic or when one of our children or grandchildren happens to find it while bored and snooping around in boxes for some mystery they might discover. Proverbs 20:3 caused me to think about the notables in the yearbook.
There’s usually a section in the yearbook announcing a series of awards. I think the seniors vote on who wins each category. Best sense of humor, most likely to succeed, most intelligent, best dressed, and so on. We often see these kinds of awards given to celebrities once a year in various magazines. I don’t recall seeing a “most aloof” award in my yearbook. But the sage of Proverbs said there are situations where it is an honor to be aloof.
To be or not to be aloof
By definition, aloof describes someone who is unfriendly, emotionally cold, or uninterested. I can think of several people who can appear to be aloof. As one who works in a university, I’ve observed many students who are aloof with regard to some academic requirements!
Sometimes it’s an honor to remain disinterested. According to Proverbs, strife is one of them: “It is an honor for a man to keep aloof from strife.” The dictionary description of strife includes bitter and sometimes violent conflict, discord, even antagonism.
As followers of Jesus, we certainly are not to be aloof to others. We are called to community and to engagement with those around us. The whole drama of Scripture is a narrative of God’s desire to have a relationship with mankind. And as people who bear the very image of our Creator, we are called to share life with each other. The New Testament uses the word fellowship to describe our shared life.
The nature of the gospel causes us to love each other and to reach out to those in need. Of course we are to share the good news of Jesus as we engage with the world, but we are also actively to extend God’s love by acts of kindness as we provide food, shelter, and medicine to those in need.
We cannot follow Jesus with an attitude of aloofness. But we are to be completely uninterested and distant from strife. The whole verse in Proverbs says this: “It is an honor for a man to keep aloof from strife, but every fool will be quarreling.”
How to avoid looking foolish
I suppose there are several reasons we might try to justify our quarrels with others. If someone takes a verbal shot at you, the impulse is likely to strike back with an insult of your own. I suspect the instruction from Jesus to turn the other cheek applies to verbal as well as physical fights.
We might want to argue in order to convince someone of their poor position on a particular topic. I’ve rarely seen others change their understanding or behaviors because someone fought with them. I think Solomon was right; it is useless to fight and argue with others as a method of resolving disagreements. It does look foolish in a meeting, in the hallway at work, in the checkout line, or on Facebook.
The apostle Paul gave us godly instructions that will help us keep from being or looking foolish. We are called to live in harmony with each other. Of course we will have different opinions and understanding about many things, but we simply shouldn’t make our opinions more important than our relationships. Paul adds words to this effect: don’t think you know it all and certainly don’t act like it. We are not better than the people down the street. If the people down the street have needs, then we are to help them.
Paul continued with clear instructions. Do not repay bad behavior with bad behavior. Rather act with honor with others both in private and in public. And while we can’t be accountable for someone else’s unwillingness to live peacefully, we are to do everything in our power—and tap into God’s power through the Holy Spirit—to live at peace with others.
If at your next high school reunion they decide to give out honors and notable awards, I think I’d rather be acknowledged for being one who is aloof when it comes to being divisive and argumentative. I hope I will be known as a person of peace and wisdom. We all get to choose how others see us. Choose wisely.
Your time with God’s Word
Proverbs 20:3; Romans 12:16-18 ESV
Photo by Giorgio Trovato on Unsplash
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