The risky prayer that can accompany a most haunting question

By Dean Collins

The question: Is it me?

How many times have you been driving on the interstate more than 10 miles or so over the speed limit when you see the police car flip on the flashing lights? There are several cars in the pack, and as everyone taps the brakes, you are not the only one thinking, Is it me? All are guilty, but likely only one will get the ticket today.

Or maybe you are working on an important project at work. Several are involved. A few are working in the spreadsheet, and suddenly the group realizes that something is wrong with the numbers. No one intentionally entered wrong data in a cell or wrote a wrong formula. But something isn’t right, and you wonder if it was you who made the mistake. You are not trying to hide anything. You just want to know

Maybe the situation was a tough conversation that involved an important mission. You were part of the discussion, where several expressed strong opinions. Some were pretty accusatory of others. And now someone on the team has been demoralized by the comments, and you wonder if you said something they took more personally than you ever intended or even thought. you know what you said and what you meant and that you never intended it to hurt someone but you wonder if you did.

“One of you will betray me”

Bible readers are well aware of a most significant “Is it me?” moment. It happened in the upper room where Jesus and the disciples were celebrating the Passover. Jesus made a shocking statement to his 12 disciples: “One of you will betray me.” He emphasized the words by opening with, “Truly, I say to you.” They all knew Jesus was truthful. But the phrase suggested emphasis and was heard by the 12 as, “This is going to be hard to believe, but it’s true.”

There might have been a silent pause before the gasps, the murmurs, the sorrow, and the fears. Matthew tells us they were sorrowful as they looked at Jesus and one after another asked, “Is it I?”

They had been with Jesus long enough and knew themselves and his teachings well enough to know that no one was perfect. They were aware of their tendency to sin. And they were also well aware of the numerous mistakes they made. It’s possible the offender wouldn’t be aware of what he had done wrong. Or some may have wondered if they had accidentally betrayed Jesus and didn’t know it.

Judas knew it was he when he took his turn asking the question. Maybe he hoped Jesus hadn’t figured it out yet. Sometimes we do think our behaviors might get missed by the Almighty.

“Search me and know my heart”

As believers, we strive to be more like Jesus each day. We know ourselves pretty well—except for the blind spots. But God knows us completely. He knows our intentions and sees our weaknesses in the flesh. We, like the disciples, want to be faithful. To never turn aside from following Jesus wherever he leads. We don’t want to be the one who wounds another unintentionally, and certainly not intentionally. But pride, old wounds, and the flesh sometimes get the best of us, and we trip and bring harm to someone who looks a lot like Jesus. Matthew 25 tells us how much everyone looks like Jesus.

Maybe Psalm 139 can help us. In the upper room, the disciples asked, “Is it I?” Psalm 139 isn’t really a question. It’s a bold directive that we speak to God. Search me. Know my heart. Try me and know my thoughts. This is a risky prayer. And it is one that God will answer if we will be still and listen. And when he does, we must confess any and all sins that are revealed. He will meet us with forgiveness and grace.

It is probably a good prayer for every day. But don’t forget to finish the prayer. When you do, you will discover God doing what he has promised. He will provide light for the path and hope on the journey. He will lead us in the way everlasting. It’s a Kingdom way. It’s a way that someone might notice you walking and want to join you.

Daily time with God in Scripture and prayer gives us confidence in the way of righteousness.

Your time with God’s Word
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭26:20-25; Psalm 139:1, 23-24‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Photo by Tachina Lee on Unsplash

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