You can raise them well, but they still have to make their own choices
By Dean Collins
As parents and grandparents, we sometimes wish we had a formula that would guarantee the kids grow up successful, happy, full of faith, and without pain. Eventually we realize even our precious children are free to make their own choices. Maybe not when they are 6 or even 16, but they do have to learn to live independently from us and to be accountable before God for their decisions.
I thought about this reality when I read the story of Eutychus in Acts 20. Eutychus was a young man, but we don’t know his age. His name means one of good fortune. I don’t know if his parents raised him well or not, but they certainly named him well, based on the little we know about him. We know it was Sunday and we know the young man came to church. And we also know the preacher couldn’t figure out when to stop his sermon!
The congregation had been together for a meal before Paul started his message. Most churches know better than to serve the meal before the sermon, but apparently the deacons in Troas hadn’t attended a leaders seminar on that topic. As Paul went on and on, Eutychus fell asleep. He was sitting probably on the windowsill, and he fell out of the three-story building.
Whose fault?
I guess we could blame his parents. Maybe they didn’t train him up well. Maybe they didn’t teach him how to make wise choices. Maybe Paul could have used more humor or better illustrations in the message. Maybe Eutychus was a young parent himself and simply exhausted when he got to church. We don’t know.
When some rushed to get the young man, they thought he was dead. But Paul picked him up and said he was still alive. Everyone seemed relieved. They ate a meal and Paul went back to preaching.
It wasn’t poor parenting that caused Eutychus to make the choice to sit on the windowsill. That decision was on him. Even the best parents can’t train their kids to live perfect lives. As much as we want to make Proverbs 22:6 a guarantee, I don’t think that was its intent. Training up a child well will help set the course and open up the possibilities, but the adult that emerges will have to choose how they will live.
Who sinned?
Parenting is as big a job as growing up. Fortunately, we have many great resources to help us become great parents and grandparents. One thing we need to remember, and it’s a hard thing; Our kids are sinners, too. Yes they are cute and smart. They are creative and funny. They are amazing in every possible way. And they, just like you, have a sin problem that ultimately needs a savior.
Those perfect angels who live at your house are going to make some bad decisions. Hopefully, they won’t sit on a windowsill at church or a concert. But they will make some choices you will wish they hadn’t made. When they do, don’t forget to love them and always pray for them. Throughout your parenting journey, they will need forgiveness, and so will you.
What matters?
I do think Proverbs 22:6 means all of our parenting does matter. But it’s not just the parenting that matters. It’s also how we choose to live a life of faithfulness. Our kids and grandchildren will remember who we are and the choices we made. Our example is powerful stuff. Don’t just focus on kids. Remember to live well in front of them. Remember to love your spouse and your friends and those in need out there right where your kids can see you.
As we follow Jesus, our children and even our adult children will notice and remember. And one day, when we are gone and they are older and wiser, they probably will sound and act a bit like us—and hopefully a lot like Jesus.
Your time with God’s Word
Acts 20:7-12; Proverbs 22:6 ESV
Photos by Hannah Nelson from Pexels and Sue Zeng on Unsplash
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